I cried…

 

Between Tuesday (8/09/2020) till Thursday (11/09/2020), my daily routine was to sit in a plastic chair beside my daughter at the hospital.

My Daughter Eyram (living with cerebral palsy) had a seizure (Convulsion) Monday night, at midnight, my husband was on his way to the hospital.

I could not sleep the whole of Monday night, on Tuesday by 4AM, I was in the kitchen preparing breakfast and lunch, I wanted to get ready and go and sit by Eyram so that my husband could also come home.

When I got to the hospital on Tuesday, I broke down and cried, one thing that gets me very sad is seeing Eyram sick, a lot goes into her daily life, so after all the efforts I make, if she gets sick, I sink, I get depressed and I throw tantrums but I do not give up.

So on Tuesday Morning, I wept, wept like a baby seeing Eyram semi-conscious. Doctors gave a long list of tests to do, Urine Culture, Blood culture, meningitis test, malaria, full blood count, etc.

I wasn’t worried, that is the routine, they want to know what caused the seizure but I have always complained about this routine, to me, it is too harsh on the family, apart from the money you spend in doing these tests, it brings intense stress on my family life and life generally.

First staying at the hospital all day, leave my other two children to “strangers” without my supervision, I get drained physically and emotionally and the list goes on.

So I explained to the doctors, that I did not have a problem with the tests they want to conduct but after the tests, once my daughter is stable and not having any more seizures, I will like to go home where I can comfortably take care of Eyram and also see to the other two children but doctors will not budge.

She had to be in the hospital to wait for the laboratory results, they do not want me to go home with any infections, hmmm, sounds good but it did not sound good to me.

I was under intense stress, I felt I was breaking down, I further explained to doctors that I am guarding my mental health seriously because I need it for Eyram but no they said it wasn’t a valid enough reason to let me go.

So every morning, I will wake up by 3.45Am to meditate and draw some inner strength and I start food preparation, I will prepare breakfast and lunch and then pack food for Eyram. I did not eat anything during those time, even though I was not fasting, I just drunk water throughout the period.

On Wednesday, my husband called me around 4pm and asked: “What will the children eat?” I told him, I don’t know, I am in the hospital, I leave the hospital at 7pm when shops are closed, I got home at 9pm thereabout, I could not possibly add shopping.

Stored food was getting finished and finding food for the children was a challenge, (I don’t buy food outside) I don’t use the cubes and artificial spices, I am trying to go as organic as possible, more natural and less processed food so it is always a challenge

On Thursday, my husband was understandably tensed and started complaining but I was also very tired so I started complaining, there was tension, real tension

The lab results came in, no infections, no malaria, no meningitis, whatever, I got angry, no matter how many times your child with cerebral palsy gets seizures, you spend money on these labs and they keep you in the hospital

Friday they discharged us, I was so peeved, yes peeved, I felt I was being punished for having a child with cerebral palsy. Nobody considers your social life, you are supposed to be staying in the hospital, you are not supposed to work, you are supposed to grieve all the time, you should become a beggar

I have avoided going to the hospital with Eyram because of the associated stress and we have done very well.

When you have a child with cerebral palsy, everybody has an opinion about what you should do and what you should not do apart from yourself. People advise you to stop working, people tell you to take the child to all kinds of places, they care more than you…I guess

Why I am sharing this, society is so judgmental of what they expect you to be…. well this is a Barbara Ofori (the lady who got killed by her pastor husband) inspired post.

I don’t care how they want to judge me, I know exactly, how I want to raise Eyram, I am doing my very best, I wish her well, her future is in the hands of God

Let’s be less judgmental of behavior we do not understand; you only need to walk in one’s shoes to know the real deal.

I am however thankful for my part time house keeper and caregiver (someone I recently engaged), my house keeper and caregiver alternated in staying in while I stayed at the hospital during the day time.

I am also thankful for the hospital staff, this time, I did not feel so judged but I really voiced out my frustrations, they even arranged for me to speak with a Clinical psychologist and it felt so good to have a place to vent and yes they respected most of the decisions I took.

I am thankful for my special moms’ platform, there were a few moms who called to check on me daily

It was a stressful moment but I felt like Daniel in the Lion’s den, those outside could see the stress but within me the mouths of the lions were shut.

I am whole….