Purpose, not Healing

 

The other day, I was reminiscing my journey with my daughter Avery Eyram Awadzi, who lives with cerebral palsy. I tried to analyze what has and continue to keep me going with a lot of positivity, optimism and hope and I think I found it.

I looked for purpose and not healing, I was not desperate in finding healing for my daughter by hook or crook, I was looking for purpose.

My, “why me’s” were not directed at healing but purpose. I honestly believe that asking why me in a situation is not bad at all, however the reason behind your why me should lead you to purpose and not frustration or despair.

So one of the very first moves I took when my daughter was only a year old was to isolate myself for prayer.

 I am someone who fantasizes spirituality and praying was my first option. In fact, in Ghana where I live, when you have a child with challenges, the first thoughts are usually spiritual, it is either someone wants your downfall and couldn’t get you so got your child or you have been cursed.

I told my husband I was going to the popular “Atwea Mountain” to pray, it wasn’t the first time I was going to Atwea to pray, I was regular at Atwea, prayer has been part of my life since infancy but this time I was going to seek purpose.

Atwea Mountains is famous for prayer and spiritual activities, it is a very high mountain located in the Ashanti region of Ghana, climbing it is very tedious and this time, I was going to climb it with my one-year-old daughter who isn’t walking because she has cerebral palsy, not only that I was pregnant, early stage of pregnancy with my son (smiling)

But I was determined, determine to seek purpose, questions on my mind at the time included: why should a young Lady who has been zealous for the Lord all her life, get married (the proper way) and give birth to a child with a challenge.

I had done everything right, during pregnancy but most importantly I had prayed fervently for this child. I really looked forward to being a Mother and this situation was too unexpected. That is why I titled my first book: The Unexpected, it chronicles my initial journey with my daughter with cerebral palsy, it is on Amazon, “The Unexpected by Adwoa Okorewaa”

https://www.amazon.com/Unexpected-Pain-Gain-Adwoa-Okorewaa-ebook/dp/B08CGP6D59

I also remember my husband asking when I told him I was going to Atwea Mountains to pray, that I am sure I was going to come back with a healed daughter (a question that made me laugh despite my sorrow at the time) my answer was an emphatic No, I told him that I know a gentleman by name Isaiah, he is physically disabled, a wheelchair user and a very good singer who features very regularly in our Atwea Mountains programmes.

The Presbyterians has a six monthly prayer retreat at the Mountains every year and Isaiah, the wheelchair singer, pays someone to carry him and his wheelchair up the mountain every time to feature in the programme by ministering to us in songs.

This gentleman Isaiah is very close to the Pastors and Prophets who lead in this programme and he has been doing it for years, yet every year he comes in his wheelchair.

I wasn’t expecting that just by going to the Mountains to pray, my daughter was going to rise up and walk just like Peter and Paul did for the “cripple” who laid in front of the Beautiful gate in the book of Acts.

I was looking for purpose not healing, I remember spending majority of the time I was at the Mountain crying without words, I didn’t know what to tell the Lord, I just felt pain at the time.

I must acknowledge, however, that pain teaches you things that happiness may never be able to teach you. I have learnt so much from pain, I have been blessed from pain and most importantly I have learnt that pain is not a stopper.

It was at the Mountains that I bought a book written by Dr Samuel Ofosu Onwona titled “Prayer, Praise and Worship”, that book challenged me to praise and worship God in spite of the challenges I was seeing an in doing that I found purpose.

My constant Prayer, praise and worship birthed The Special Mothers project -www.specialmothers.org one of the many purposes I found in having Eyram

Are you going through a painful situation in life? Be it nurturing a child with challenges, childlessness or whatever, I will advise that you look for purpose, in purpose, healing is found, joy is found, love is found and fulfillment is found.

Find Purpose!

Beautiful Life Foundation supports Special Mothers Project

 Beautiful Life Foundation, an organization that focuses on respite care for families raising children with special needs on Friday donated some items and an unspecified amount of money to the Special Mothers Project

Ms. Pathula Maame Esi Kwaw, Founder and Executive Director of Beautiful Life Foundation underscored the need for parents of children with special needs to support one another.

She said “We know that special needs mums need emotional support especially in these times and even though Mrs. Hannah Awadzi, the executive Director of the Special Mothers Project has been a pillar of support for many of us, we feel it is important to support her too”

Ms. Kwaw, accompanied by some officials of the Beautiful Life Foundation and her nine-year-old daughter Nhyira who also lives with cerebral palsy said the visit was an opportunity for her daughter interact with other children especially when children had stayed off school for a long time

The Beautiful Life Foundation organizes respite activities for parents of children with special needs and support families set up small and medium scale enterprises to enable them earn some income.

Mrs. Hannah Awadzi, Executive Director of the Special Mothers Project, an Advocacy and awareness creation programme on cerebral palsy issues, expressed her gratitude to the Beautiful Life foundation.

She said: “This is a pleasant surprise for me, I am very grateful for this gesture.”

I cried…

 

Between Tuesday (8/09/2020) till Thursday (11/09/2020), my daily routine was to sit in a plastic chair beside my daughter at the hospital.

My Daughter Eyram (living with cerebral palsy) had a seizure (Convulsion) Monday night, at midnight, my husband was on his way to the hospital.

I could not sleep the whole of Monday night, on Tuesday by 4AM, I was in the kitchen preparing breakfast and lunch, I wanted to get ready and go and sit by Eyram so that my husband could also come home.

When I got to the hospital on Tuesday, I broke down and cried, one thing that gets me very sad is seeing Eyram sick, a lot goes into her daily life, so after all the efforts I make, if she gets sick, I sink, I get depressed and I throw tantrums but I do not give up.

So on Tuesday Morning, I wept, wept like a baby seeing Eyram semi-conscious. Doctors gave a long list of tests to do, Urine Culture, Blood culture, meningitis test, malaria, full blood count, etc.

I wasn’t worried, that is the routine, they want to know what caused the seizure but I have always complained about this routine, to me, it is too harsh on the family, apart from the money you spend in doing these tests, it brings intense stress on my family life and life generally.

First staying at the hospital all day, leave my other two children to “strangers” without my supervision, I get drained physically and emotionally and the list goes on.

So I explained to the doctors, that I did not have a problem with the tests they want to conduct but after the tests, once my daughter is stable and not having any more seizures, I will like to go home where I can comfortably take care of Eyram and also see to the other two children but doctors will not budge.

She had to be in the hospital to wait for the laboratory results, they do not want me to go home with any infections, hmmm, sounds good but it did not sound good to me.

I was under intense stress, I felt I was breaking down, I further explained to doctors that I am guarding my mental health seriously because I need it for Eyram but no they said it wasn’t a valid enough reason to let me go.

So every morning, I will wake up by 3.45Am to meditate and draw some inner strength and I start food preparation, I will prepare breakfast and lunch and then pack food for Eyram. I did not eat anything during those time, even though I was not fasting, I just drunk water throughout the period.

On Wednesday, my husband called me around 4pm and asked: “What will the children eat?” I told him, I don’t know, I am in the hospital, I leave the hospital at 7pm when shops are closed, I got home at 9pm thereabout, I could not possibly add shopping.

Stored food was getting finished and finding food for the children was a challenge, (I don’t buy food outside) I don’t use the cubes and artificial spices, I am trying to go as organic as possible, more natural and less processed food so it is always a challenge

On Thursday, my husband was understandably tensed and started complaining but I was also very tired so I started complaining, there was tension, real tension

The lab results came in, no infections, no malaria, no meningitis, whatever, I got angry, no matter how many times your child with cerebral palsy gets seizures, you spend money on these labs and they keep you in the hospital

Friday they discharged us, I was so peeved, yes peeved, I felt I was being punished for having a child with cerebral palsy. Nobody considers your social life, you are supposed to be staying in the hospital, you are not supposed to work, you are supposed to grieve all the time, you should become a beggar

I have avoided going to the hospital with Eyram because of the associated stress and we have done very well.

When you have a child with cerebral palsy, everybody has an opinion about what you should do and what you should not do apart from yourself. People advise you to stop working, people tell you to take the child to all kinds of places, they care more than you…I guess

Why I am sharing this, society is so judgmental of what they expect you to be…. well this is a Barbara Ofori (the lady who got killed by her pastor husband) inspired post.

I don’t care how they want to judge me, I know exactly, how I want to raise Eyram, I am doing my very best, I wish her well, her future is in the hands of God

Let’s be less judgmental of behavior we do not understand; you only need to walk in one’s shoes to know the real deal.

I am however thankful for my part time house keeper and caregiver (someone I recently engaged), my house keeper and caregiver alternated in staying in while I stayed at the hospital during the day time.

I am also thankful for the hospital staff, this time, I did not feel so judged but I really voiced out my frustrations, they even arranged for me to speak with a Clinical psychologist and it felt so good to have a place to vent and yes they respected most of the decisions I took.

I am thankful for my special moms’ platform, there were a few moms who called to check on me daily

It was a stressful moment but I felt like Daniel in the Lion’s den, those outside could see the stress but within me the mouths of the lions were shut.

I am whole….

Nothing is impossible, you only have to put your mind to it

 

On Monday the 7^th of September, 2020, I submitted my Final long essay for my Masters’ Degree programme in Contemporary English Studies. I am so glad that I have done this.

 

I have always wanted to do a Masters’ degree either in a psychology related field or language related programme (being a practicing journalist, language is a great tool and I don’t miss the chance to improve)

Earlier, I applied for a Masters’ degree in a psychology related programmes, but I wasn’t admitted, (lol) well….so I told myself, perhaps, it is not time or I shouldn’t even be trying this.

I had also doubted if I can ever decide on pursuing higher education, I was anxious and thought of so many things that could hinder me from completing a Masters’ degree programme successfully.

 Here is a mother of three young children, one of them lives with cerebral palsy and takes a lot of my time and strength for her daily life.

How am I even going to combine studying with all the things I already do, working as a full time journalist, a columnist, being a Special Needs Mama and a regular Mama, being a wife and building a home, running a full time advocacy programme –The Special Mothers Project (www.specialmothers.org) the questions were endless.

But before I could say jack, my husband bought the forms, I was reluctant to fill the forms, he told me I will be wasting his money if I did not apply for the programme, just apply, he said, if you don’t get admission, you still have your life, so reluctantly, I applied.

I went to write the entrance examination, on my last daughter’s, 2^nd birthday, I missed her birthday party because that day was just too packed but I had made arrangement for the day to be celebrated without me (poor me)

The Masters’ programme was to start sooner than expected. When I got the admission letter, I panicked, Should I defer? How am I going to do this? I had to be going to school Monday to Friday, 8AM to 4PM thereabout, I already had a very tight schedule, how will this fit in, it was a mixed feeling, on one hand, I was happy that I was enrolling into a Masters’ degree programme, on the other hand, I thought about my children especially Eyram, my daughter living with cerebral palsy, how was she going to cope?

Somehow, my younger Brother, Kob, as we affectionately call him, took his accumulated leave from the office which gave him about 7 weeks, I told him to come stay over, he took care of Eyram while I did schooling, it wasn’t easy though. I prepared breakfast and lunch before I left the house, I had to make sure Eyram bathed in the morning before I leave the house and sometimes I had to feed her and toilet train her, I always got to lectures late, some of my mates felt sorry for me, I always had an excuse for the early morning lectures and always missed a part of it but the first half of the programme ended well and smooth with all exams taken and term papers submitted.

Then I thought of the second half of the programme which was scheduled for this year 2020, I was still thinking about how I will go to school when the time comes then COVID came!

All three children were home with me and I wasn’t so sure if school was going to come on or not but it came on, when we were called back to school to complete the second half and final part of the programme, I panicked again.

This time, I didn’t just have Eyram to deal with, I had the three children at home, I looked for options, getting a teacher to be with them 8AM to 5PM, hiring a Nanny for a short term, getting a Caregiver, etc. but finally had to take the children to their paternal grannies for the first two weeks, it worked out perfectly

There were Ups and downs and oh there were many times I would ask, but me too, why am I doing this? Honestly, I do not know why I decided to enroll in a Masters’ degree programme, perhaps, I just wanted to do something new, because, at this stage in my life, I am not looking for a new job, neither am I looking for promotion at work, yes, I have ambitions but I have also learnt to be content and not freak out about another person’s seemingly good life.

I did learn a lot, I improved tremendously with doing qualitative research work, (hey, I am open for business if you ever want someone to do a qualitative research for you especially in the area of children with disabilities and families nurturing children with disabilities do get in touch)

I was taught by Prof. Anyidoho, someone, I really respect for his work and his achievement and I did learn a lot from him and all the lecturers I met at the Department of English at the University of Ghana.

You cannot go through the Department of English without being Africanized, we took courses in Culture and Arts criticism, a course taught by Prof. Anyidoho, Literature in critical thinking and analysis and you will read African literature whether you like it or not.

I am also very thankful for my classmates, most of them English teachers in Secondary schools, ei, these teachers can learn o, I learnt a lot from the informal class discussions and as a journalist my analytical skills has been sharpened.

Nothing is impossible, you only have to put your mind to it, where there is a will, there is always a way, there were times my younger sister had to come all the way from Kumasi to sit in for me to be able to do something because there was no one.

As for my husband, Agbeko Awadzi, I can’t even count the number of times he had to skip work to enable me go to school, write exams or spend time working on my long essay, and oh, he paid for the course, (I really appreciate that and I am so grateful)

I sincerely believe that having a child with special needs should not stop your dreams and aspirations, that is why I advocate, I believe that we need to put in place as a country, social support systems that will support families nurturing children with disabilities especially mothers.

I believe that as a nation we can develop a comprehensive caregiver support system where we train professional caregivers to help families like mine, we consciously need to develop respite programmes for families especially mothers of children with disabilities and that is why I worked to register as a Psychologist Assistant with the Ghana Psychological Council to support parents especially mothers of children with disabilities emotionally through counselling.

That is why I continue to run the Special Mothers Project Whatsapp platform where rich experiences are shared among families and where a lot of learning takes place besides the fact that you know that you are not alone in your journey of nurturing a child with special needs.

I only see possibilities

Errrm, I always miss my graduation ceremonies, I just go after the ceremonies to pick up my certificates, I don’t know yet if I will be going for my graduation ceremony this time.

PS: My Father, Mr George Owusu Asomaning says I should start dreaming of doing a PHD (Huh), this man has big dreams, but he inspires me o